As you may or may not already know, I really hate electric hand dryers because they don’t work. Yea, I know somebody is going to come in here and talk about those new Xlerator dryers that are so much better than the World Dryers of the past; but the reality is that an improvement upon garbage does not make it good…only better than completely useless. I also know that Kaylie Bristol is going to drop by and tell me how much she loves electric hair dryers because they warm her up just like heated seats…or some such BS.

The reality is that at the end of the day, we all know that electric hair dryers aren’t as functional as towels. We use them because we have to, lose patience standing there, and inevitably walk out to find ourselves face to face with a friend we haven’t seen in a while; which leads to the awkward damp handshake where the receiving party wonders if you did in fact wash your hands, or if instead you simply peed on them.

See, they're worthless...this "motivational poster" isn't even that funny

Regardless of your thoughts about the matter, this post isn’t about electric hair dryers, but rather their placement within the restroom. I recently saw a movie at a local theater and like everyone else, I made a b-line (what does that actually mean anyway?) towards the restroom. Upon arrival, I used the proper mensroom etiquette, took care of business, washed my hands like any remotely classy person would do, and then turned to look for a method with which to dry them.

The theater had installed Xlerator hand dryers about 2 feet above the floor, rather than the typical height of about 4 feet (That’s about 1.2 Meters for those of you using the sensible system of measurement). This made them difficult to use for anyone over the age of 6. I know that many 6-year-olds are potty trained and consequently capable of using the restroom like the rest of us; HOWEVER, I doubt they get more than $10/week in allowance, so they can’t possibly be the theater’s target clientele.

There were 3 dryers in the men’s room, all of which were mounted at a height of approximately two feet. I’m not sure if this was a brilliant idea masterminded by the theater’s management or if it resulted at the hands of a moronic tradesman who meant to mount one at infant level and the rest at a height usable by the rest of us.

I tried my best to use it, but 2 minutes later both my patience and my lower back were gone, so I threw in the towel (pardon the pun) and dried my hands on my pants.