As many of you know from a previous post, I am in the market for a few cars. That however, does not make me qualified to write this post, what does qualify me is that I have bought and sold at least 30 cars in the last 10 years or so (realistically there were probably even more that I am unable to remember).

These are in no particular order unless otherwise mentioned:

1. Don’t ever assume anything about the customer’s financial situation

Once you start thinking about the customer’s financial situation you begin to make invalid assumptions. Yea the customer may have shown up in worn jeans and a tank top, but that doesn’t mean he can’t afford a new BMW. In fact it may mean that he’s a high-powered executive who takes advantage of not having to wear a suit 2 days a week. When you treat a customer like they can’t afford something, you’re losing the sale because your customer is headed up the road to the next dealer where he or she will receive the treatment he or she deserves.

2. List the options on the car

When dealers don’t list all the information about the car, there is one of three reasons behind it. First, the car may have just gotten there and the dealer themselves may not have the information sorted (if the car appeared on the site you’re looking at within the last 7 days, this is possible). The second option is that the dealer simply doesn’t have any idea what options are on the car. The third and final reason is my favorite: the dealer did it on purpose. What? Why? Well it’s simple, you don’t have access to the information, so now you have to contact them to find out; it’s a sales tactic. When you contact them they gain valuable information: that John Doe is shopping specifically for a Hyundai Santa Fe in addition to your phone number and/or email address which they can use to harass reach you. The biggest issue with this in my experience is generally when you call the dealer, the guy who answers the phone will have no knowledge of the car you call about. Which leads me to my next two points.

3. Options are Optional

When a customer asks about the options on the car, lets say a MINI Cooper for example, and you respond to them by listing standard equipment (or list only standard equipment in your ad), you’re just wasting everyone’s time. When the ad lists power windows, power door locks, power mirrors, and front airbags you only aggravate the customer because although those may have been options on cars in 1985, or even on some lower priced models now, they’re standard equipment on all MINIs from 2002 onward, and if it’s standard it wasn’t an option! Also, stop listing information about your dealer in the options field in your ads — believe it or not I’m looking to buy the car, not the dealer.

3. When a customer emails you a question about a car you’re selling, respond to that email instead of calling them back; chances are they emailed you for a reason.

The contact email address is generally just as accessible as the phone number; so If a customer chooses to email you there’s a reason behind it. Recently while in the market for a car I emailed several dealers, each of them responded back to me by phone. Why? because it’s easier to sell to someone by phone than by email. Here’s the problem: I emailed 20 dealers specific questions about the car they were selling. When they called me back at 9:00 the next day while I was on my way to the office, or at 11 when I was in a meeting with a client, or at 3 when I was racing to get a hold of my broker before the end of trading for the day; not only did I not have time to talk to them, but I also didn’t have any idea what the questions I asked about their specific vehicle were.

Email makes it easy to keep track of the conversation, but they insisted on calling. The problem is each time they would say hi this is John Doe from John Doe Imports calling in response to your email, please let me know if you have any questions I can answer for you. I ALREADY DID! I also got an average of 4 follow up emails from each dealer; some personalized, others automated. Each of the follow up emails said pretty much verbatim “if you have any other questions or concerns please let me know, I’d love to answer them for you” I already asked my questions, you didn’t answer them any of the 5 times you’ve contacted me, I don’t remember what they were, and you’ve blown the sale.

If you want to use the phone, first respond to my email and answer my questions. Once you’ve responded give it a day then call to follow up. “Hi this is John Doe calling from John Doe Honda, I was calling to follow up on the response I sent to your email. Did  your receive it? Are there any other questions I can answer for you about our 2005 Honda Accord? When can you come by and take it for a test drive?

4. Dealers contact the customer to the extent of annoyance

This should perhaps be 3.5 rather than 4, but I think it’s important enough to stress it as it’s own bullet point. If the customer does not respond within your first few attempts at contacting him or her, the customer doesn’t want to talk to you, likely for one of three reasons: the customer is very busy (in which case you’re annoying them already), they purchased another vehicle, or you’ve already blown the sale (likely because of something on this list).

Also, don’t EVER contact the customer using information they didn’t give you. A friend of mine sent a question to a seller through ebay about a car he was thinking about buying for his wife. The seller decided to call him rather than respond to his email so he looked up my buddy’s ebay account details (which were not provided to him by my friend) and called the listed number, which happened to be his home (as is true in most cases). So his wife got home from the grocery store, played the messages, and heard “Hi Bill, this is John Doe calling from Stupid MINI Dealer about the yellow Cooper you emailed us about on ebay”…so much for the suprise, not to mention the fact that Bill felt like his privacy was violated.

5. You better know more about the car you’re selling than your customer does

In sales, if you don’t know more about the product you’re selling than your customer does you appear to be incompetent. Additionally, you are very likely to aggravate your customer because you won’t know the answer to his or her questions. This leads to a secondary annoyance of one of the following: either the salesperson has to go and ask somebody else then report back to the customer or the salesperson will make stuff up.

In the first situation, the salesperson should cut the knowledgeable person into the conversation (splitting the commission if necessary) rather than continuing as the annoying middle man and losing the sale. The second situation is a no-brainer: we’ve already established in this situation that the customer knows more than you, and unfortunately he already walked in the door assuming the false stereotype that you’re a liar so the last thing you want to do is prove that to be correct.

*Disclaimer* This is not a political post, it doesn’t take stance with any political issues and isn’t at all intended to be partisan toward democrats or republicans.

Like a lot of people, I sincerely hope that the most powerful man in the world-elect is a good president, because that’s what America needs. However, I have a very realistic concept of how much one person (and his team) can fix, despite the power they may have. I’ve met an extraordinary number of people who seem to think that his election to the presidency is on par with the second coming of Christ if you believe in that…this isn’t a religious post either, and that we will all be ’saved’ by his presence in the oval office.I hate to break it to you, but the last administration proved that it is much easier to muck things up than to fix them. Regardless of political standing, this country has more problems now than it did 8 years ago. The metaphor that I like to use is that of a little kid who can throw a fit, and completely trash his bedroom in 15 minutes (or less). Then the mother (or father for you politically correct fools) has to come in and may spend hours cleaning the place up and getting everything back to the way it was. This is the equivalent of the Bush vs. Obama administrations. There is no way, that in 4 years, they will be able to undo all that is wrong with the country today. The media has made this man out to be the solution,painting the picture that we will live in a Utopian society when it’s all said and done. No one can live up to that hype, not even Barack Obama.

So my bitching is this: Stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Be happy (if you’re a Barack fan) with the fact that we’re at least shifting power to a man that completes sentences most of the time. Don’t tell me that I’m a pessimistic moron for not thinking that all of my problems are magically going to vanish in 4 years. Do not tell me I am “Un-American” for writing this entry, I stand by my country despite its shortcomings at the moment, but our current President-Elect is not the only missing link in the chain.-Nick

What Tipping Once Was
Once upon a time ago (in a decade I certainly don’t remember) tipping wasn’t a required part of daily life. If a waiter performed extremely well, a maitre d led you to an exceptional table, the delivery guy stacked the firewood instead of simply dumping it in a pile in your yard, or the garbage man took the extra can of refuse they received a tip for going above and beyond the normal call of duty.

Why The United States is Stupid
Nowadays in the United States, tipping has lost its true meaning. It is customary (no matter the service) to leave a tip for the waitstaff in a restaurant of approximately 15%, leaving more for exceptional service, or less for sub-par attention. This is stupid, while it allows restaurants pay the waitstaff a below minimum-wage, it defeats the whole purpose behind the “tip”. In most European countries, there is no expectation of a tip, rather it is awarded by choice as a way of saying “thank you” for a waitstaff that goes above and beyond the call of duty…you know, the way it should be!

Tipping Becomes a Shitshow
The other day I arrived downtown via train while it was raining outside. I walked through the outdoor station to the main entrance to get a taxi so that I could reach my final destination. The second I exited the door, I was bombarded by a series of presumably homeless people asking if I needed a cab. Caught off guard I replied yes and seconds later was led to the first cab in the taxi line (where there had been 15+ cabs waiting).

The cab was there, I  knew it was there, and I certainly didn’t need this guy’s help to get into a waiting cab. Then of course the inevitable came. I knew I would have to tip the guy for his unwanted, unneeded, and unappreciated “service”; but then became further annoyed when he said “come on man, make my new year” as if I was going to get into the cab without slipping him some cash.

Please don’t misunderstand, I have absolutely no issue with giving money to homeless people. In fact, I do it all the time. My issue lies in the fact that this gentleman acted like he did me a favor, when in fact he did me a disservice by delaying my departure from the train station thereby keeping me outside longer…in the rain.

This is just one example. In Europe and the USA alike, homless people often point you towards a parking space expecing compensation in return. Although I have seen this be helpful once or twice, 95% of the time it’s been useless. You’re traveling down the street looking for parking, you’ll find the spaces on the street with or without the homeless guy.

While I conceptually admire the fact that they are doing something for money rather than sitting on their asses with a cup begging for it, I would prefer they actually focused their energy on doing something potentially useful like selling newspapers or cleaning windshields, rather than essentially extorting money by making me fear for the well-being of my car while inside the restaurant if I don’t tip them.

I spent a great deal of time traveling this past month, and while waiting for various means of transport, I was inundated with people asking me for a cigarette. Maybe it’s the fact that I like to wear black (it’s the new black, get over it) or the fact that I might look like someone from a cigarette ad (they always use the cool and casual type). The truth is that I don’t smoke. I never have, and I’m proud to say I’ve never even taken one puff off of one of those things. However, I do respect peoples’ decision to smoke, so I’m not mean or condescending when I turn down their plea for something I really don’t have, it just makes them smug (smog?).

When I tell you, No, Sorry I don’t have a cigarette, don’t get all pissy and make a face like I just gave you the finger. It is not my fault you did not pick up another pack of cigarettes when you realized you were running low. It is also not my fault they cost almost $8.00/pack in this city. Additionally, making a face will NOT get you a cigarette from me, because I never had the damn thing in the first place.

Has anyone else had enough of all the stupid Digital Television stuff being advertised? From the federal government advertising the switch from analog to digital, to the infomercial style 3rd party commercials and news media portraying the DTV switch as being the upcoming apocalypse. For those of you who aren’t from the states, or are unfamiliar with this issue, the US Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has mandated that all  stations begin broadcasting using a digital frequency (instead of analogue) effective this coming February.

Most of the propaganda makes it seem like on a certain day in February in 2009, your TV will cease to function. Well I have news for you, in most cases it doesn’t mean anything. That’s right, it’s all a bunch of wasted energy, unless of course you actually watch broadcast television - no cable, no satellite.

I for one don’t know a single person who falls into that category. I’m sure that if I did, they would  have already heard enough about it and taken the proper precautions illustrated in the hilarious video below:

The most ironic thing, is that I have seen a plethora of infomercials, advertisements, and other marketing implements warning poor innocent Americans about the upcoming switch to digital on cable only stations, which means one of two things: either the guys buying ad space in marketing should be fired, or the company is trying to exploit people who don’t understand technology…

Jason

Recently I purchased a new watch and was shortly confronted by one of my least favorite questions: How much was it? What does it matter how much it was? Are you going to buy it for me? I guess not considering I already have it.

To be clear, I’m not talking about when your wife asks you how much something you spent a portion of the family’s fund’s on (because she has a right to ask…and in many cases a right to make you return it as well.) Nor am I talking about when your friend, the fellow watch aficionado asks because he likes it and actually would purchase one for himself depending on the price.

I’m talking about the nosey friend, the one who not so secretly want’s to know how much money you make, how much your “toys” cost, and whether you live on cash or credit.

Alright maybe that was a bit of a stretch, but seriously why don’t these people understand that it’s not any of their business how much the watch, the car, or the autographed picture of Adam West was.

The fact of the matter is that it’s only appropriate to ask “how much” in one of the following scenarios:

1. They’re your accountant or spouse
2. They would actually purchase said item
3. It’s a hot blond asking, and her interest in you is contingent upon the value of said item (in which case you should like, chances are she’s a stripper anyways)

That’s it, otherwise it doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is the you purchased said item because you liked it, and could afford to justify the associated cost. So, I implore you, next time you’re tempted to ask “how much”, have a little class (I realize this is ironic due to the stripper comment above, just go with it) and just go google it instead of being blatantly nosey and potentially offensive.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and felt really uncomfortable? Not because of what the person was saying, but because of how they were saying it to you? I’ve come to realize recently that I am a magnet for people with awkward conversation styles.

I can’t erase the memory of conversations past, but I hope that by writing this post I can put those of you that I have yet to meet on notice, thereby avoiding future awkwardness. If you fall into one of the three categories below, do both of us a favor and don’t talk to me:

1.) The Chatty Pee-er

I don’t know about you but when I go into the bathroom at work, I go in there for one reason and one reason only. What reason might that be? I’ll give you a hint, its not to talk to you.

When I’m standing at the urinal dancing with Little Jimmy, please don’t talk to me. Don’t look over at me, don’t attempt to shake my hand and for the love of god, don’t ask me if I’m “workin’ hard or hardly workin’.” I swear, all of the above have happened to me at least one time in the last year.

I’ve also been told by someone who I happened to see in the bathroom more than two times in the same day: “We’ve got to stop meetin’ like this. People are gonna start talkin’.” Huh? We must know very different people. The people who I know don’t watch the bathroom door all day to see who goes in and out, let alone think disturbing thoughts about what they do while inside.

I have also noticed what could be an evolution of the chatty pee-er. I was at the urinal today and a man next to me was clicking away at his Blackberry. While I admire his dexterity, I can’t help but feel that he could’ve waited two minutes. I guess I shouldn’t complain. He could have used that hand to try to give me a high five or a noogie.

The men’s room to me is not a place to go to socialize or discuss world affairs. The men’s room to me is like prison: you go in, you don’t make eye contact with anyone, you don’t stay one second longer than you have to and then you leave.

2.) The Drill Sergeants

One of the things I really love about Americans is that for the most part we are very good about respecting personal space. Most of us have a certain invisible territory around us that we know it’s not cool to invade. Unfortunately, some people haven’t quite picked up on the way we do business here in America.

There are a certain group of people that feel the need to get right up in my grill when talking to me. Almost nose to nose, like they’re coming in for a big sloppy one. It wouldn’t be half bad if attractive people did this to me, but it’s always the people who I couldn’t find less appealing.

I know of a woman in particular who is a major offender. Every time she sees me and wants to engage me in conversation, I find myself behaving like a whipped dog — instinctively slinking backward. Smelling blood, she’ll come in for the kill, getting right up on me like a Parris Island drill instructor with vinegar breath; barking at me about the latest minutiae in her work life. Believe me, everything she says could have been said a few inches further away, or (since she decided to gargle with vinegar that morning) from the other side of the room.

If you feel like you must extend your sphere of influence and wander into my no fly zone, then please don’t talk to me.

3.) The Finishers

Is it too much to ask to be able to finish my own sentence? Apparently it is, since I seem to keep running into people that fall into this third category. Two of whom I actually worked with day to day.

The Finisher is hard-wired by evolution (or in the perfect image of the deity of your choice) to try to finish my sentences. They haven’t been programmed to finish them correctly, but they can’t stop themselves from giving it the old college try.

If you don’t know what I mean, I’ll give you an example:

Jim: “If you want to send an email, you will want to click this button that says…”
Person who shouldn’t be talking to me: “Delete”

As my example shows, The Finisher will insist on trying to complete the sentence that I started. I haven’t done any scientific testing on this but I would estimate that 99% of the time, The Finisher will guess the wrong ending to my sentence.

I don’t necessarily love surprises, but I won’t go out of my way to spoil something. If I miss the second half of a Lost season on television and have to wait for the DVD, I’ll try to avoid what happens in the finale until I can see it. To a much smaller degree, when I’m having a conversation with someone, I’ll try to let them finish their own sentence without spoiling it. Since I don’t know what they’re going to say, (and it’s freaking rude to do otherwise) I’ll let myself be surprised. I could always try to finish the season of Lost that I missed, but I’ll leave that to the professionals.

So there they are, the three top conversation offenders. I’m not naïve enough to think that I can actually get these people to stop talking to me, or that I could go through life without running into them. But I’m hoping that maybe one person at a time we can fight conversational discomfort. And if I can get a couple less annoying people to keep yammering at me, then its a big bonus.

Jim

Read more posts by Jim at HoagiesWithMyles.com

There has been a lot of press in the last 36 hours about Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, who allegedly attempted to sell an Illinois seat in the United States Senate. The seat was left vacant as a result of the presidential election, leaving the loser governor with the responsibility of filling it.

This really isn’t much of a surprise. The people of Illinois all knew he would be going to jail, but we assumed it wouldn’t be until after his term in office, and nobody really knew what it would be for.

The real issue here that I want an answer to isn’t whether he is guilty, nor is it who will be appointed; the real issue is about those damn Open Road Tolling signs. You see while serving as governor, Blagojevich commissioned parallel road construction on all major Illinois highways. That means if there are two main roads leading south, he made sure both would be under construction at the same time, which is also true for travel to the north and west (there is a lake to the east). This increased both stress and aggravation in addition to travel times.

At the termination of the aforementioned construction, his first Pièce de résistance (before being arrested) was to christen each of those construction sites with this:

Better get out the blue paint...

I had always thought it must have been a huge waste of money to begin with, but now am left wondering how much it will cost the state of Illinois to change all of them, or if I’ll have to buy the paint and do it myself.

Tenemos un sin verguenza,

Juan Luis

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking: Why would Jason L’Monaco be flying commercial…believe me it’s something I ask myself too, but sometimes it just makes sense. On a recent intercontinental flight I not only flew commercial, I flew economy class (a discussion I’d rather not get into). It was on this flight that I was reminded of the following: some civilians don’t understand how to properly exit a seat on a commercial airliner.

It’s understandable that one may have difficulty exiting his or her seat in order to use the lavatory, or perhaps to perform yoga in the aisle (yes it happens, and yes I know someone who does it, but I’m not in the business of naming names). Regardless of the reason you wish to get up, do not under any circumstances even think about touching the seat in front of you. I know it’s there, I know it’s “cushy” looking, don’t touch it ever, period.

Now I realize that most Americans are overweight and don’t exercise (myself included), that said many people in the world don’t possess the coordination or the strength in their core muscles to stand up unassisted, and that’s okay…pathetic but okay. Skinny or fat, old or young, don’t touch the seat in front of you.

The proper method of exiting a seat on a commercial airliner is as follows:

1. Lean forward
2. Grab the armrests (if one is unavailable, substitute your own seat back or bottom cushion, or even the wall if you’re in a window seat)
3. Push up
4. Once standing, use your own row of seats if further assistance is needed (because the chances are good that you’ve either waited for them to get up already, or you’re waking them up regardless in the process of your yoga exodus. There is no sense in aggravating further passengers by using the seats in front of you.)

For the illiterate, here is a horribly photoshopped diagram:

I sincerely hope that this how-to has somehow enlightened those of you who may have been stupid inconsiderate enough to wake up, bother, or otherwise inconvenience the row in front of you.

Always lookin’ out,

Jason

Even after reading Jason’s so-so Quantum of Solace Review I had to go and see it. I agree with pretty much everything posted in both the review and the comments, and like everyone else thought it was worth seeing, but certainly not the greatest Bond film.

I’m not here to talk about the movie, I’m here to talk about the horrendous act that occurred following it. At the conclusion of this film, like many films before it, the audience began to applaud. This is absolutely unacceptable and should not be tolerated by society.

I have nothing against applause, when people are showing their approval or appreciation for a performance. Be it a speech, presentation, play, musical, or even simply to recognize someone’s outstanding behavior. What I have a problem with is the fact that when you go see a movie the performers aren’t present, they’re more than likely 1,000’s of miles away, completely unaware of your applause or even your existence.

Are these people applauding for the screen? Which did such an amazing job remaining on the wall for the entire movie? Perhaps they’re applauding for the projectionist who did such an exemplary job, even though  chances are she was doing her homework the whole time, was up there making out with the popcorn guy (or girl), or just plain fell asleep two hours ago? There is nobody there, don’t applaud! Just walk out of the theatre and start looking for the people who didn’t understand the movie, or sit in your seat and awkwardly watch the credits.

In summary: only applaud when the performer is actually present to experience the appreciation you’re expressing.

Un Saludo,

Juan Luis