Spotted this one while walking the dog last week, perhaps it was installed by the department of redundancy redundancy department…

Two Fire Hydrants Within 5 Feet of Each Other

As you may or may not already know, I really hate electric hand dryers because they don’t work. Yea, I know somebody is going to come in here and talk about those new Xlerator dryers that are so much better than the World Dryers of the past; but the reality is that an improvement upon garbage does not make it good…only better than completely useless. I also know that Kaylie Bristol is going to drop by and tell me how much she loves electric hair dryers because they warm her up just like heated seats…or some such BS.

The reality is that at the end of the day, we all know that electric hair dryers aren’t as functional as towels. We use them because we have to, lose patience standing there, and inevitably walk out to find ourselves face to face with a friend we haven’t seen in a while; which leads to the awkward damp handshake where the receiving party wonders if you did in fact wash your hands, or if instead you simply peed on them.

See, they're worthless...this "motivational poster" isn't even that funny

Regardless of your thoughts about the matter, this post isn’t about electric hair dryers, but rather their placement within the restroom. I recently saw a movie at a local theater and like everyone else, I made a b-line (what does that actually mean anyway?) towards the restroom. Upon arrival, I used the proper mensroom etiquette, took care of business, washed my hands like any remotely classy person would do, and then turned to look for a method with which to dry them.

The theater had installed Xlerator hand dryers about 2 feet above the floor, rather than the typical height of about 4 feet (That’s about 1.2 Meters for those of you using the sensible system of measurement). This made them difficult to use for anyone over the age of 6. I know that many 6-year-olds are potty trained and consequently capable of using the restroom like the rest of us; HOWEVER, I doubt they get more than $10/week in allowance, so they can’t possibly be the theater’s target clientele.

There were 3 dryers in the men’s room, all of which were mounted at a height of approximately two feet. I’m not sure if this was a brilliant idea masterminded by the theater’s management or if it resulted at the hands of a moronic tradesman who meant to mount one at infant level and the rest at a height usable by the rest of us.

I tried my best to use it, but 2 minutes later both my patience and my lower back were gone, so I threw in the towel (pardon the pun) and dried my hands on my pants.

*Disclaimer* This is not a political post, it doesn’t take stance with any political issues and isn’t at all intended to be partisan toward democrats or republicans.

Like a lot of people, I sincerely hope that the most powerful man in the world-elect is a good president, because that’s what America needs. However, I have a very realistic concept of how much one person (and his team) can fix, despite the power they may have. I’ve met an extraordinary number of people who seem to think that his election to the presidency is on par with the second coming of Christ if you believe in that…this isn’t a religious post either, and that we will all be ’saved’ by his presence in the oval office.I hate to break it to you, but the last administration proved that it is much easier to muck things up than to fix them. Regardless of political standing, this country has more problems now than it did 8 years ago. The metaphor that I like to use is that of a little kid who can throw a fit, and completely trash his bedroom in 15 minutes (or less). Then the mother (or father for you politically correct fools) has to come in and may spend hours cleaning the place up and getting everything back to the way it was. This is the equivalent of the Bush vs. Obama administrations. There is no way, that in 4 years, they will be able to undo all that is wrong with the country today. The media has made this man out to be the solution,painting the picture that we will live in a Utopian society when it’s all said and done. No one can live up to that hype, not even Barack Obama.

So my bitching is this: Stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Be happy (if you’re a Barack fan) with the fact that we’re at least shifting power to a man that completes sentences most of the time. Don’t tell me that I’m a pessimistic moron for not thinking that all of my problems are magically going to vanish in 4 years. Do not tell me I am “Un-American” for writing this entry, I stand by my country despite its shortcomings at the moment, but our current President-Elect is not the only missing link in the chain.-Nick

Just in case you missed it, we began with Foto Friday #1 last week. Foto Friday provides an easy way for Listen To Me Bitch readers to contribute by simply commenting on the posted photo taken by one of our contributors.

If you would like to contribute a photo or do some bitching of your own on Listen to Me Bitch, you can find more information here.

This week’s photo was taken of a gas pump credit card reader, with a sticker that should not be necessary because those people who are dumb enough to require it should have to fave the embarrassment of going inside to ask why their card “isn’t working”

Oh, THATS why they put the picture of the card there...

Yes, I know stupid is spelled with a U and not two Os, but email scammers don’t and the post title was addressed to them. With that out of the way, I’m somewhat embarrassed to say that I have an AOL account. It’s my tether back to the 1990’s when I (along with everyone else) actually used AOL. Don’t worry though, i just keep the (now free) email address alive, but don’t actually use it or AOL for anything.

For years AOL sent out emails ad nauseam saying that any official correspondence from them will have a blue envelope icon in your inbox. The purpose was so that anyone who doesn’t have their head in the game when it comes to email scams would be able to easily spot fraudulent emails.  This never made any sense to me because in my experience, they’ve always been easy to spot, even for me a dumb kid of two Latin American immigrants. Nonetheless, there must be people who either don’t watch enough TV or spend too much time smoking something illegal that still can’t spot the scams.

Here’s an edited copy of the email I received with my comments in orange, hopefully it will provide people with a droplet of common sense.

I was originally worried about scammers using my tips to improve their email scams, but lets be honest, they won’t understand anyways. Let it be a guide of common sense things to look for (in an email that should seem like a scam to anyone with half a brain) before sending them your credit card or banking info.

Ciao,
Juan Luis

I present to you the first Listen To Me Bitch Foto Friday: every Friday, rain or shine we will present you with the photographic depiction of something we wanted to bitch about, but have decided to leave the bitching up to you.

I’ll post a picture every week complete with back story, and leave the bitching in your hands.

A friend and I uncovered this monstrosity while trying to grab a quick bite to eat at a restaurant in a local strip mall, click here to comment and tell us what you think.

Has anyone else had enough of all the stupid Digital Television stuff being advertised? From the federal government advertising the switch from analog to digital, to the infomercial style 3rd party commercials and news media portraying the DTV switch as being the upcoming apocalypse. For those of you who aren’t from the states, or are unfamiliar with this issue, the US Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has mandated that all  stations begin broadcasting using a digital frequency (instead of analogue) effective this coming February.

Most of the propaganda makes it seem like on a certain day in February in 2009, your TV will cease to function. Well I have news for you, in most cases it doesn’t mean anything. That’s right, it’s all a bunch of wasted energy, unless of course you actually watch broadcast television - no cable, no satellite.

I for one don’t know a single person who falls into that category. I’m sure that if I did, they would  have already heard enough about it and taken the proper precautions illustrated in the hilarious video below:

The most ironic thing, is that I have seen a plethora of infomercials, advertisements, and other marketing implements warning poor innocent Americans about the upcoming switch to digital on cable only stations, which means one of two things: either the guys buying ad space in marketing should be fired, or the company is trying to exploit people who don’t understand technology…

Jason

Recently I purchased a new watch and was shortly confronted by one of my least favorite questions: How much was it? What does it matter how much it was? Are you going to buy it for me? I guess not considering I already have it.

To be clear, I’m not talking about when your wife asks you how much something you spent a portion of the family’s fund’s on (because she has a right to ask…and in many cases a right to make you return it as well.) Nor am I talking about when your friend, the fellow watch aficionado asks because he likes it and actually would purchase one for himself depending on the price.

I’m talking about the nosey friend, the one who not so secretly want’s to know how much money you make, how much your “toys” cost, and whether you live on cash or credit.

Alright maybe that was a bit of a stretch, but seriously why don’t these people understand that it’s not any of their business how much the watch, the car, or the autographed picture of Adam West was.

The fact of the matter is that it’s only appropriate to ask “how much” in one of the following scenarios:

1. They’re your accountant or spouse
2. They would actually purchase said item
3. It’s a hot blond asking, and her interest in you is contingent upon the value of said item (in which case you should like, chances are she’s a stripper anyways)

That’s it, otherwise it doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is the you purchased said item because you liked it, and could afford to justify the associated cost. So, I implore you, next time you’re tempted to ask “how much”, have a little class (I realize this is ironic due to the stripper comment above, just go with it) and just go google it instead of being blatantly nosey and potentially offensive.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking: Why would Jason L’Monaco be flying commercial…believe me it’s something I ask myself too, but sometimes it just makes sense. On a recent intercontinental flight I not only flew commercial, I flew economy class (a discussion I’d rather not get into). It was on this flight that I was reminded of the following: some civilians don’t understand how to properly exit a seat on a commercial airliner.

It’s understandable that one may have difficulty exiting his or her seat in order to use the lavatory, or perhaps to perform yoga in the aisle (yes it happens, and yes I know someone who does it, but I’m not in the business of naming names). Regardless of the reason you wish to get up, do not under any circumstances even think about touching the seat in front of you. I know it’s there, I know it’s “cushy” looking, don’t touch it ever, period.

Now I realize that most Americans are overweight and don’t exercise (myself included), that said many people in the world don’t possess the coordination or the strength in their core muscles to stand up unassisted, and that’s okay…pathetic but okay. Skinny or fat, old or young, don’t touch the seat in front of you.

The proper method of exiting a seat on a commercial airliner is as follows:

1. Lean forward
2. Grab the armrests (if one is unavailable, substitute your own seat back or bottom cushion, or even the wall if you’re in a window seat)
3. Push up
4. Once standing, use your own row of seats if further assistance is needed (because the chances are good that you’ve either waited for them to get up already, or you’re waking them up regardless in the process of your yoga exodus. There is no sense in aggravating further passengers by using the seats in front of you.)

For the illiterate, here is a horribly photoshopped diagram:

I sincerely hope that this how-to has somehow enlightened those of you who may have been stupid inconsiderate enough to wake up, bother, or otherwise inconvenience the row in front of you.

Always lookin’ out,

Jason

Even after reading Jason’s so-so Quantum of Solace Review I had to go and see it. I agree with pretty much everything posted in both the review and the comments, and like everyone else thought it was worth seeing, but certainly not the greatest Bond film.

I’m not here to talk about the movie, I’m here to talk about the horrendous act that occurred following it. At the conclusion of this film, like many films before it, the audience began to applaud. This is absolutely unacceptable and should not be tolerated by society.

I have nothing against applause, when people are showing their approval or appreciation for a performance. Be it a speech, presentation, play, musical, or even simply to recognize someone’s outstanding behavior. What I have a problem with is the fact that when you go see a movie the performers aren’t present, they’re more than likely 1,000’s of miles away, completely unaware of your applause or even your existence.

Are these people applauding for the screen? Which did such an amazing job remaining on the wall for the entire movie? Perhaps they’re applauding for the projectionist who did such an exemplary job, even though  chances are she was doing her homework the whole time, was up there making out with the popcorn guy (or girl), or just plain fell asleep two hours ago? There is nobody there, don’t applaud! Just walk out of the theatre and start looking for the people who didn’t understand the movie, or sit in your seat and awkwardly watch the credits.

In summary: only applaud when the performer is actually present to experience the appreciation you’re expressing.

Un Saludo,

Juan Luis